You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
