Swine flu. Run for my life!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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