I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
