I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
