i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize