I just pynch a tree in the face
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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