I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
