I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just found puke in my bra..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
