I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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