btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have demons in me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
