My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
