if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
