life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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