Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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