So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
