he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize