my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize