Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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