a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
