I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
