dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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