currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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