Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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