I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
