I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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