I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
