We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
