I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
