apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
