it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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