her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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