Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
