I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
