Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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