Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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