i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize