glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
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