He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
