She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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