drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
