imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
