Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
