enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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