My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
