i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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