shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
