Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
