I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
