No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
