Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
