just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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