I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize