On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
