I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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