I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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