Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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