Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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