If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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