i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
