I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
