After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
