the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
