I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
