apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
