i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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