His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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