girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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