he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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