East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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