Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
