dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
farters have to be the big spoon...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize