I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
