Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
