I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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