Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
