You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
