Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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