Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
