i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
