she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
